If you have decided that your relationship has lost it’s way, it’s important to choose the right couple counsellor to help you make the changes.

Introduction

According to Mind, the leading mental health charity for England and Wales, around 300 people out of every 1,000 will experience some kind of emotional problem every year in Britain.

Troubled relationships in particular are thought to be among the key factors affecting rates of mental health and anxiety. Research consistently suggests that people who are in healthy, happy relationships are more protected from depression and anxiety than those who are single, divorced or separated.

“Talking therapies” such as counselling are fast becoming the treatment of choice for addressing issues such as depression, anxiety and of course relationship issues.

Although it would be impossible to work out how many people are thinking about or attending counselling at any time, the amount of qualified counsellors has more than doubled recently to keep up with public demand.

This does not necessarily mean that finding the right counsellor to suit your particular needs will come easily. For someone who is seriously considering seeing a counsellor for the first time, finding the right kind of help can be challenging. This is not intended to scare you away. I hope to inspire you to get the most from your counselling experience.

Here are Six Top Tips for Choosing a Couple Counsellor

Tip 1: Don’t Get Wedded to a Particular Counselling Theory

There are many different counselling schools and these are called modalities. Counsellors are usually trained in a particular modality (such as CBT, Gestalt, Person-Centred, TA to name a few). Contrary to popular belief (but it makes common sense when you think about it), the theory that a particular counsellor is trained in has no real bearing on the outcome you get – research shows that the modality is irrelevant.

What is relevant is both the relationship we have with our counsellor and our counsellors experience in the field we want to work because research shows that these are the consistent factors in successful counselling.

Tip 2: Choose a Counsellor that Specialises in Relationships

Having said that the modality is irrelevant, couple counselling is very different from one-to-one or individual counselling and does require some specialist knowledge. If you want to work on your relationship, it makes sense to choose a counsellor who has a specific qualification in couple counselling, regardless of the modality they use.

Tip 3: Find a Couple Counsellor With Plenty of Experience

Training is essential, but there is no substitute for experience. Ask your counsellor how many client-hours experience they have in working with couples. Look for at least a thousand hours.

Tip 4: You May Need to Consider seeing a Specialist

If you are experiencing relationship problems, it makes sense to see a couple counsellor who has qualifications and experience in the speciality you require; in the case of your love-life you might require psycho-sexual counselling, and other specialities are anger management and grief counselling.

Tip 5: Get a Free Consultation

The quality of the relationship between you and your counsellor is of paramount importance, and so many counsellors will offer a short free consultation – a sort of “get to know you” session of about 20 minutes. This is an opportunity to meet and discuss your needs. Use this time to discover whether you feel comfortable with the counsellor.

Tip 6: Questions You Need Answers To

Did the counsellor create a safe environment for you and your partner to talk? This can be:

• Did you feel comfortable talking to the counsellor?
• Physically: For example, is the room private and quiet or is there noise from outside which is disturbing. Are you concerned at some level that you may be overheard or do you feel it is easy to talk? Do both of you feel that the counsellor explained practicality’s such as:
  • confidentiality
  • fee structures
  • a schedule of appointments
• Do you feel that the counsellor has the potency to work with you and your partner, for example:
  • were you given equal time
  • did the counsellor allow you to argue in the consulting room and simply listen or did the counsellor set boundaries
  • did you feel heard
  • did you and your partner intuitively feel you are in a safe pair of hands?

Conclusion

For couples whose relationship is in trouble, the task of finding a competent marriage or couple counsellor can be daunting because comparatively there are very few counsellors who have specialist knowledge and experience of working with couples, for a variety of reasons, working with couples is quite different from individual counselling or psychotherapy and does require specialist knowledge. A good place to start looking might be at the Couple Counselling Network they have a list of qualified and experienced couple counsellors practising in most areas of the UK