5 tips to get the most out of marriage/couple counselling
When couples first get together they have the best of intentions and hope their relationship will last forever. Long lasting relationships are difficult to achieve however; the daily grind of day to day living, life-changes such as moving house, redundancy and blended/step families can all take a toll on our relationships.
It is unrealistic of us to expect our relationships to run smoothly all the time and most couples will experience relationship difficulties at some point. Many couples seek relationship or marriage counselling as soon as they realise there are problems, but often couples leave counselling until they are at crisis point perhaps believing in the so-called virtue of stoicism.
However, I believe that we can take charge of our relationships. The couple counselling process can really empower and assist couples who choose to address relationship problems. However, counselling alone can not save your marriage – only you can do that – but, during my 17 years in practice, I have seen many of my clients repair, rediscover and develop their relationships, even those who who were on the point of separation.
Here are my five tips to get the most out of your couple counselling experience
Tip 1: Make sure you get value for your money.
Arrive on time for your appointment, someone may have booked an appointment after you and so your counsellor may not be able to go over time. Arriving on time ensures that you get your full hour.
If you have already agreed on couple counselling and your partner can’t make an appointment, don’t turn up for the appointment on your own. The reason for this is that the counsellor will want to ensure that each of you is being treated the same.
If you call in advance there may be a creative compromise. At my own practice I have had telephone conferences when work commitments have prevented one partner from attending in the flesh.
Tip 2: Keep a diary or notebook
It is common for people to think about the counselling sessions in between appointments. Make a list of any questions, ideas or thoughts you have about the counselling process during the week. This will help you focus both on the issues you want to resolve in the relationship and any questions you have about the way your counsellor is working.
Tip 3: Commit to the counselling process
For couple counselling to be truly effective, both of you need to commit to the process – even if you are not sure whether you can commit to the relationship. Although part of a couple counsellor’s job is to motivate, guide and empower, you both need to be willing to allow this by reflecting on your own feelings, thoughts and behaviour during the sessions and in between appointments.
Tip 4: Meet each other half way
Accept that both of you contribute to the relationship issues in some way.
Most of us act with the best of intentions and many people are genuinely unaware that they might be contributing to the problems in their relationships. I see part of my counselling role as bringing this into your awareness and helping you both find a better way of being with each other.
Tip 5: Be willing to change
Over time if you are both willing to make some changes in the way you think, feel and behave, this can go along way in helping your marriage and the counselling process.
Counselling can empower, enable and guide you to repair and grow your relationship.
Couples who are most successful are the ones who recognize and understand that marriage requires maintenance, it doesn’t just “run” on it’s own. They are proactive both in the counselling room and remain active and engaged in the relationship at home. They are fully committed to working on and developing the relationship or the marriage.
