When a Relationship Ends
When a long term relationship ends - whether we do the leaving, or are left - we go through a period of pain and adjustment
By Marliyn Wright PTSTA
This period of adjustment involves a process of change which has both a beginning and an end. The length of time it takes varies. It cannot be hurried through. If you try to hurry through it you are likely to miss something important to your future happiness. You may get stuck at any stage and feel you cannot move forward but you can if you have the will. You may need support, and that's okay. Give yourself both time and understanding.
When a relationship ends, we all have different reactions. Some people hide from the world - retreat to lick their wounds. Others try to replace the person they've lost by seeking new relationships without giving themselves time to heal. Remember that Divorce and Separation creates an emotional wound, and like all wounds, it needs attention.
When a relationship ends, we lose more than the person we lived with. We lose our hope and our vision of a shared future. We lose joint friends; a home; open access to children; in-laws; pets. We risk losing not only that individual, but all the things that came with and resulted from that relationship. We lose our trust in others as well as ourselves. With all this, comes an experience of strong emotions. Some emotions, like anger may feel frightening, destructive, overpowering. Other feelings of rejection, or guilt, lead us into cycles of feeling bad about ourselves and our actions. Our self esteem may be at an all time low.
All these feelings are a normal and common experience of anyone going through Divorce and Separation. Denying your feelings, hoping the pain will go away, blanking out loneliness with alcohol, drugs, other relationships, merely prolongs the pain. Denying that the pain even exists doesn't work either - one day it will catch up with you, perhaps when you're experiencing another loss, and then you'll be hit with a double whammy!
Working through your fear, grief, and anger, allows you to explore all your relationships - past and present - and make choices, to change, to REBUILD.
