What to Expect from Counselling

There are many different approaches or models used by counsellors and therapists in the UK. It is important that you choose a counsellor whose style of working suits you and your partner best.

My marriage therapy sessions start off with an initial consultation. This is a mutual assessment to explore whether counselling with me is going to be your best option.

From your perspective, if you are seeking counselling, you need to feel that you have a good rapport with your counsellor. If you feel you have a good 'fit' with your counsellor, you are more likely to feel safe enough to be open and honest as the sessions progress.

For the counselling/therapy to be effective I need to know that you are prepared to commit to the counselling process, even if you are not prepared to commit to staying in the relationship. The counselling process involves your willingness to reflect on your own feelings, thoughts and behavior, your willingness to communicate both with me and each other openly, your willingness to attend on a regular basis and to put time and energy into the relationship outside of the counselling room.

The consultation usually lasts for an hour. The cost of the consultation is £40 in the day and £45 for evenings. I accept cash or cheque.

Counselling sessions are normally an hour in length, but some couples find longer sessions are a better option for them and 1½ hour sessions are available. The cost of 1½ hour sessions are £60 in the day and £70 in the evening.

You or I may want some time to reflect before deciding on couple counselling, or we may decide between us that it would be beneficial to get started straight away. I do ask that any ongoing appointments are paid for one week in advance, and I require two full working days notice to cancel an appointment.

Many people feel nervous or anxious before attending a consultation. There are many different reasons for this, one of the more common reasons is a fear that the problems will be impossible to overcome. It is true that the sooner couples seek counselling the better the outcome, however it actually takes a lot of courage to walk through the door and ask for help, quite a few couples leave counselling until it is a last resort. As long as both of you accept that there is no 'magic wand' or miracle 'one-session-cures-all' and are prepared to work hard then most problems (although not all) can be overcome.

A lot of people are anxious that I will take the other partner's side, or may secretly hope I will take theirs. I take the view that it is the relationship that is in therapy, and not the individuals. I treat both partners equally, and I am on the side of your relationship. I am not interested in deciding who is right or wrong, who is the good one or the villain. I firmly believe that both people create and contribute to the relationship issues, even when they are genuinely unaware of it and do not mean to. I see part of my role as bringing this into your awareness and helping you both find a better way of being with each other.

Change does not happen overnight; issues have normally built up over months or years. Lasting change to your relationship is often a gradual process, having said that I have worked with many couples who have experienced fundamental changes to their relationship in six to eight sessions.

The couples who are most successful are the ones who take responsibility for their relationship and are prepared to work hard. I have over 19 years experience in working with couples and have over nine years of both counselling and psychotherapy training. I can enable and facilitate you to grow and develop your relationship in the way you want it to be. I will encourage you both to become your own 'relationship counsellors' over time. However ultimately you are both equally in control of your relationship recovery and changes.