Affairs: Is Your Relationship At Risk?

Life will never be the same again . . . but that doesn't mean it will be worse. It can be better, but don't expect an easy mend because affairs often reflect deeper issues in a couple's relationship.

In order to begin working on your relationship, the affair must be addressed. And this is not easy. The person having the affair is often confused and doesn't know what to do. It is not unusual to fear loosing both partners. I find it impossible to work with the couple's relationship when the affair is ongoing. Thus, I ask the persons having the affair to place it on hold for a period of time (a month or more). This means while the primary couple agree to work on their relationship, there is absolutely no communication. If need be, at the end of this period we contract for another period of time. This is not easy but it is the only way I have found to give the couple time to decide whether to recommit or end their relationship

Vaughn (1998) suggests that couples should explore the deeper reasons for the affair, and once the affair is over or on hold, I explore these areas. In individual therapy one may explore personal issues such as hypersexuality, entitlement, self-concept, work, and even family history of infidelity. In couple therapy, relationship dynamics, conflict resolution, parenting, communication, companionship, intimacy, sharing, and sex are often discussed.